|
Elaine Carlson, a newly ordained associate pastor at His Present
Glory, has lived in the Twin Cities area for all of her 49 years. She
became a member of His Present Glory a few months after her born again
experience in 1997.
When she first came to His Present Glory, she
was a shy, self-conscious, anxiety ridden person burdened by the
confusion of her past. Slowly, God (with the help of Pastor Judy and
others) began pushing her out of her comfort zone.
Elaine became
a founding member of the current worhip team in 1998, playing various
instruments such as the bongos, congas, and the didjeridoo (an
Australian wind instrument). She has been involved in almost every
aspect of the church from the sound board to the heading up of the
Helps Ministry. Though fear and a feeling of inadequacy would try to
block her from growing in these things, the firm belief that “God
doesn’t necessarily call the qualified, but qualifies those He calls”
has given her the confidence to keep moving and changing.
As a
co-facilitator and counselor at the “Spirit of Counsel” sessions,
Elaine fills a desire to help others find their healing through the
Jesus Christ, the lover of our soul.
The following is the testimony of her what she calls “Simple Faith”:
“When
I was a child, God was just a fact of life. He wasn’t something I came
to believe in, he was just a fact – like the sun, the moon, going to
school, going to church every Sunday – God just was. He wasn’t even a
matter of faith. He just existed.
I was raised Catholic and
learned about Jesus through the gospels during mass and in religion
class (which I had everyday since I attended a Catholic grade school).
I learned my Catechism and the church rules. I had prayer book in
kindergarten, a first communion prayer book, and a St. Joseph’s daily
missal, which had both the English and Latin versions of mass. The one
thing I never had or read was the Bible. There wasn’t one in our
classrooms or at home. I only saw one during mass from afar.
My
impression of the Bible was that it was a bunch of stories that were
written to teach us morals, but that the stories were not necessarily
true. For instance, Adam and Eve couldn’t have been real because we all
knew that we were created through evolution.
By the end of the eighth grade I was
pretty confused. I didn’t understand the Catholic religion—it kept
changing the rules on me. First mass was in Latin, then in English.
First you had to fast for communion from midnight till you received
communion, then it changed to fasting for three hours, then it changed
to fasting for one hour. I couldn’t understand why it would be a sin
one year to eat meat on Fridays and the next year it was ok to eat meat
on Fridays, except during lent.
I went to mass every Sunday with my
family, I wasn’t rebellious about it, it was just something you did, a
way of life. It wasn’t a choice. You just did it or went to hell when
you died ( I believed it was a mortal sin to miss Sunday mass).
When
I was in my early teens, there was a news article titled “Is God Dead?”
It was my first realization that some people didn’t believe in God. I
couldn’t even imagine not believing that there was a God.
After I
graduated from high school, I still attended mass but occasionally
missed Sunday service because I was sick (hung over was more like it).
When I was 22 my mother died suddenly. She had been the center of my
universe. My secure little world fell apart. I got married within a
year and the center of my universe became my husband. But there was no
security in the center of this universe. It slowly developed into a
very emotionally and sexually abusive and ‘sick’ world.
During
this period I read a book called “Chariots of the gods” which explained
how the bible stories were legends which originated from the visitation
of extraterrestrial beings thousands of years ago. Since I was such a
logical person, and didn’t really have any belief in the bible, I
thought it made good sense. New age beliefs were becoming popular, I
was a Taurus and faithfully read my daily horoscope, got my tarot cards
read, got my palms read, and generally believed in a ‘god force’ of
some type, but nothing specific.
By
1994 I was clinically depressed, on antidepressants, on the verge of
suicide, and could not see any possible way out of my nightmare of a
marriage.
We lived on a farm, and I remember walking into the field
at night, staring at the star filled expanse of the universe, crying
for help, not knowing if there was a god out there to hear me. I felt
utterly alone and helpless.
By
1997 I had gone through three years of psychological counseling, one
lengthy divorce, two chemical dependency treatment programs for
alcoholism, and one lesbian relationship. I was totally confused! I had
a “higher power” from AA that I called God, but he was pretty distant
and I didn’t quite know how to define him. I was of the belief that if
I couldn’t believe in all parts of the bible (such as the Adam and Eve
story) why should I believe any of it?
I
was living with a Christian woman who was redeveloping her relationship
with God. We talked a lot and she sowed a lot of seeds, but knew me
well enough not to push me. Instead, she was a witness to me of how
Jesus was changing and healing her.
One day, in the back yard, I
listened to her Faith Study tape by Don Bierle on “The Fall of
Evolution”. It totally dispelled the myth of evolution and convinced me
of the truth of creationism. A charge went through me and myy spirit
actually leaped within me as I realized that the Bible was true. It was
so exciting. I knew at that instant my life would never be the same. My
heart and mind were racing. I could barely comprehend the ramifications
of all this.
My thoughts were –
Wow! The Bible is really the word of God! God is real! Then Jesus must
be real! God actually communicates to us through a tangible thing, the
Bible! At that time I had no idea how this was going to change me, I
just knew it would.
I started
watching Joyce Meyer every chance I could on TV – she made the Bible
come alive and showed me how God’s truth was for today, not just for
the biblical times. Within a few months I was ready to try going to
church. I had never been to service other than a Catholic mass and had
no idea what else was out there. My roommate and I went church
shopping. We stopped shopping after visiting His Present Glory.
Now
I am totally on fire for God and I can’t understand why anyone who
truly believes in God, in Jesus, in the bible, isn’t totally on fire
for him! Jesus is the center of my universe. Not my mom, not my
husband, not my job, not even myself.
Jesus is forever! Jesus is not a fad! Jesus is my foundation! Jesus is my salvation! Jesus is my hope! Jesus…just is!
Jesus
is my life. Before Him I had no life. I was just an empty shell of a
human being with a void so big that nothing – not people, not alcohol,
not work, not sex, not food – nothing could fill that void but the Holy
Spirit. Nothing else could satisfy the deep yearning, that emptiness,
that deadness that I constantly felt before Jesus came into my life.
The three years of secular counseling that I received before being born
again, helped me learn to function in the world again, but I didn’t
start to get any real healing until I made Jesus Christ my counselor and he helped me learn to function in His world .
I believe in John 3:16
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that
whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”.
Because I believe this, I have a simple faith, which is defined in the
Nelson’s dictionary as a belief in or confident attitude toward God,
involving commitment to His will for one’s life. True faith is
confidence in God and Christ, not in oneself.
My heart’s desire now is to do God’s will in my life and to become who he designed me to be.
The one scripture that sums it all up for me is ..
Proverbs 3:5,6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your
paths straight”.
He has definitely straightened out my path and I can’t wait to see where the next steps lead!
The following is a poem that I wrote which speaks of journey my heart has taken as Jesus touches me with His healing powers.
Issues Of The Heart
A hardened heart
Covered in scar tissue
From injuries inflicted
Broken pieces welded together
The fit not quite right
Impermeable to pain, joy or love
Toughened to a point of paralysis
A soft center deep inside
Protected by a thick wall
Of dreams lost and nightmares lived
Each memory, layer by layer
Forging an armor
Impenetrable to all…
But God
…In His mercy and compassion
Quietly calls
To the hidden parts
Still alive and beating
Gently massaged with love and truth
The inner heart swells
Still constricted by the shell
Slowly, awareness builds
Cracks appear
A salve of forgiveness is applied
Scales fall off
The seams self-sewn
Are cut apart, stitch by stitch
Unraveling the past
Making room for the present
Making room for His Presence
|
