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"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential;not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things -- and the things that are not -- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him." 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 
I read it over and over, trying to truly digest what it was saying. Key words kept leaping off the page… YOU WERE CALLED and GOD CHOSE… The rest of it read like a personal inventory list. Yup… let's see… uh huh… I am the foolish, the weak, the lowly thing, despised thing, oh yeah… and the thing that is not…
At that time in my life, I had been wrapped up and held captive by depression, addiction, and insanity. I had passed myself off to so many men, so many drinks, and so many drugs just to numb myself out. I knew something was terribly wrong. I could feel that there was something dead inside, and yet these words… YOU WERE CALLED and GOD CHOSE.
I sat there on the end of my bed and with no "7 Points to Salvation," no extended alter call with raised hands, no worship team or evangelist, just myself and the Word of God. I asked out loud. "God, it says that you chose these things and they sound pretty much like me… Do you mean to say that I am chosen? And if I am chosen, it says here that I am also called… God, if you are for real… am I called?"
Then it happened… I heard my name. It was loud, it was clear, and it was full of love.
My mom and sister enjoy telling the stories of when I was a kid and we would all go shopping. I would hide myself under the clothes racks and inevitably lose my mom and sister. I always knew that when I was lost, I could go to the front of the store to an employee who could page them over the intercom… "We have a little girl named Rebecca at the front of the store. She is looking for her family… Could Rebecca's family please pick her up at the customer service desk?" My mom and sister often tell those stories with their theory that I would get lost on purpose… just to hear someone call me by my name… just so that I could be claimed… just so that I could belong.
I gave my life to Christ that night in late February of 1990. I had a dramatic transformation that evening in which I knew I had been saved. I had been claimed and He had called me by my name. He knew me and now I knew that He wanted me to know Him. I was sure that things were going to be different now. And they were, for a while.
Soon after giving my life to Christ, I began the process of trying to take it back again. I had learned my whole life how to hide behind masks I was losing the battles in life, not because I didn't know Christ, but because I didn't really understand who I was...
On some level, I could comprehend the "great exchange." There are promises all over the scripture of things that we can trade in…
Isaiah 61:3 reads
"To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness"
Somehow I took this scripture and misunderstood it. I didn't know or understand how to get the real thing in the right place. I only knew the masks I had been wearing didn't fit anymore and instead of being "naked and unashamed" as Adam and Eve were before the fall, I just kept on picking up more masks. I traded in my addiction for perfectionism. I traded my shame for pride. I ended up with gluttony, rebellion, bad spending habits, hoarding, territorialism, hatred, and an insatiable need for recognition. Unconsciously, I was doing everything that I could to keep people at a distance. I believed that these masks (like shame and pride) were who I really was.
I did not understand what scripture meant when it said it was "But now, it is no longer I who sin, but sin that dwells in me." (Romans 7:17 ) and "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." (Galatians 2:20 ) So unknowingly, I continued on, defending the curse. I became defensive whenever these "masks" were pulled on or pointed out. I held firmly to them believing that I needed them… that I was them… that they were me.
I know differently now…
"Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called the sons of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are sons of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure." 1 John 3:1-3
Rebecca St. Louis is currently an Associate Pastor and the Worship Team Leader at 3rd Day Ministries. She lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota with her son and works full time as a counselor and teacher at a faith based drug and alcohol treatment center. She has applied the revelatory teachings from the Spirit of Counsel groups to her life in such a way that she is now stepping into an anointing of candid, honest, open, transparency that keeps her in a constant state of change.
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